Being in a loving relationship is outstanding, but unfortunately, many relationships are anything but loving and great. The statistics around dating abuse (both physically and emotional) are extremely troubling. Abuse in relationships is unfortunately very common and some people may not even know they are experiencing abuse.
The signs of the existence of emotional abuse are not always clear and are often very subtle. In fact, many people do not even know they have been abused until potentially years later. In an effort to help you see the signs before it’s too late.
They Regularly use Gaslighting
For those unfamiliar with it, gaslighting is a term that refers to when an abuser essentially puts doubt in their partner’s mind in a variety of ways. This can be done by lying, denying things they had said and more. It is done in an effort to manipulate and control the other person and basically dictate their reality. This can make the victim feel crazy and as if they’re going crazy.
Unfortunately, this is done over a very long period of time so it can be tough to identify. Thankfully, there are articles and resources online that can help you recognize when this is happening to you. They also show just how harrowing it can be to deal with someone manipulating you in this way.
Read more about gaslighting at:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2017/11/50-shades-of-gaslighting-the-disturbing-signs-an-abuser-is-twisting-your-reality/
They Try and Control Your Life
This is one of the most common instances of emotional abuse, and it is about the abuser trying to control the life of their victim. This can be everything from dictating who they hang out with, what they wear and more. It might start with a simple suggestion of something, but could ultimately grow into something much worse.
People can easily lose friends and hobbies to a controlling significant other, which should never be the case in a healthy relationship. Those in a relationship are still individuals, and no one should be forcing anyone to do (or stop doing) anything that they want.
They Are Always Hot and Cold
While everyone has the odd mood swing, this is different. If one moment your partner is super loving and supportive, but then the next minute is distant or rude, it could be deeper than just mood swings. See, there are many stages in the “cycle of abuse”. The cycle of abuse is generally four stages that begin with the building of tension, then to the instance of abuse, and then to the stage full of apologies and “making it right” and then a calm period before the tension builds again.
So if they begin to consistently run through this cycle over and over, which many abusers do, it is a telltale sign that abuse is present in your relationship. Sure, things are good during the reconciliation and calm periods, but it’s only a matter of time before the abuse starts up again.
They Belittle You and Your Strengths
When an abuser is in a relationship, they want to feel like they are in power and in control, no matter what. So when you do something great or show off your strengths, they are likely to belittle them or act like they mean nothing. It is important to know that these are not random attacks when they belittle you, as they are deliberately trying to bring down your strengths over time to make themselves feel bigger.
They feel threatened by your success or prowess and will try whatever they can to regain the upper hand in their mind. If this goes on long enough, you may eventually start to believe them and stop chasing your dreams and your self-confidence will dwindle.
